Taking a break from drawing.
I got some great feedback from the first wave of screenplay guinea pigs, and here's the general message:
It needs work.
In fact, I was a little winded by the reaction. Embarrassed, even. Embarrassed enough that if I had a day job right now, I'd probably go back to it.
The situation being what it is, however, I've got no choice but to double back and fix the thing. And here's what needs fixin':
- The characters are unmotivated, unsympathetic, and identical to one another. At no point are their goals obvious.
- The backstory is needlessly convoluted. Long-winded exposition bubbles up and kills the momentum about every five pages.
- The central mystery of the story is given away about halfway through act one.
- A girl falls in love with the weakest, least-lovable character in the story, and no explanation is given.
- Pretentious flashbacks galore
There's probably more, but why nitpick?
I'll post again when the story gets out of the hospital.
Thanks to all who helped me through this rough spot. I'll do my best to surprise you with quality.